Life is hard!!! Can I get an, "Amen"? There are so many situations and so many cases of relational tension that can make us feel like life is a set of land mines we must successfully navigate without getting blown up. Add to that being in full time ministry, and it can feel very lonely and challenging at times. Tim and I really desire to take the high road in situations that arise because we know the other option can cause too much collateral damage and we don't want to go there. It can be quite an inward fight, though, because my flesh doesn't particularly like the high road! Ha!!
There was one day in the last 6 months that I was feeling very broken. I had cried and ranted to the Lord until I felt like a rung out dishcloth. One thing I kept reiterating to Him (like I thought He didn't understand it the first 14 times I spewed it out) was that it didn't seem fair that often times the people we invest the most in are the ones who hurt us the most. Now, I realize life is rarely "fair" and, as Tim tells our kids..."We don't live at the fair!!"...but it still seemed like the scales of justice and rightness were tilted decidedly against me. As I sat in the corner of my room, curled in the safety of my recliner, I had no sooner gotten my statement of injustice out for the umpteenth time when I heard His still, small Voice in a most powerful way. He didn't bellow like an exasperated parent or cut me down with a sarcasm borne of frustration. He simply said...
"I know, remember Judas."
The one whom He selected. The one whom He treated like everyone else. The one whom He invested in, spent time with, taught, laughed with and shared His most intimate thoughts with on a daily basis. The one whom He knew, before he had ever answered the call to follow, would be His betrayer. The one whom He knew would deliver a lethal kiss for a few lousy coins.
It became a rising crescendo in my brain...echoing with the weightiness of what those words signified in my own life. Jesus chose to invest in Judas in exactly the same way He invested in the other 11. He washed Judas' feet and then He let them know that this seemingly devoted follower was about to deliver a devastating blow to them all.
2 simple words that radically changed the way I looked at things.
Now I'm not going to lie and say that all of a sudden the rejection and betrayal didn't hurt. I'm not going to tell you that He changed my circumstances or made me okay with being cast off and cut off. What He did do was identify with my struggle like no one else had ever done. I had a Saviour, a sovereign intercessor, who had experienced everything I had...only He knew it was going to happen and He went there anyway!!!
There have been a number of times since then that I have found myself on the receiving end of a hurtful revelation. There have been times when my kids have hurt me, my husband has hurt me or those in the church have hurt me and I want to dive under the safety of my covers and stay there. Each time, though, I hear His gentle whisper remind me...
Just yesterday a discovery had me stopped in my tracks and wishing I could wring a certain person's neck. No sooner had I felt that familiar stiffening of my back and knot forming in my stomach than I stopped and laughed. It was the first time I hadn't heard the whisper, but had actually turned to Him instead with a chuckle and said...
"I know. Remember Judas!!"
I am certainly not saying my tassel has been turned and I won't ever need Him to take me by the shoulders, look deep in my eyes and remind me of this simple, yet oh so powerful, truth. It was a day of victory for me, though, when I realized I had caught myself before I got too far down the "poor me" path.
Are you struggling with hurt? Betrayal? Have you been cut off by someone who you have spent intentional time investing in on a regular basis? I'm not going to lie...it stinks!!!! I encourage you to sit down and take a deep breath, though, and...
Lord, thank You for the way You are so intimately involved in every facet of my life. Thank You for always knowing exactly what I need to hear and when I need to hear it. Thank you for loving my friends as much as You love me and for Your willingness to remind us all to...