Life

The other morning I went for a power walk. The air was cool, the sun was beginning its slow ascent, the birds were chirping, a woodpecker was foraging for its breakfast with its tell-tale rhythmic tapping and people were heading to work and school. I marveled at the predictability and peace of it all because at the same time a totally different scene was taking place just miles away...

A mother was curled in a ball, her body wracked with tears flowing endlessly from a broken heart. A sister writhed in sleepless anguish. Friends stumbled in an emotional stupor, numb from their unexpected loss. A young man waited, cold and lifeless, soon to be laid to rest.

Both scenes co-existed, playing out simultaneously, one oblivious to the other! Such a paradox...such contradictory yet converging moments.

Reading statuses on FB was like embarking on an emotional roller-coaster ride. Posts attesting to God's goodness while others questioned why. Statements of joy mingled amongst the grief. Statuses informing of doctor's appointments and trips to the gym recorded directly above those of a moment that caused time to grind to a hault for the grieving ones.

I don't pretend to understand it all. I, again, have no choice but to return to Isaiah 55:8 for answers...

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."

This passage has been a familiar one to me during my almost 30 years of walking with the Lord, but somehow these last few weeks it has become an anthem from His heart to mine...a banner He is waving over me sheltering me from the arrows of doubt that the enemy would love to hurl my way. I am faced with a choice, but I know in my heart there is no choice.

To do anything but trust that His sovereignty covers it all is to walk away from the Truth and I can't do it. I have experienced too much of His lavish love and incomprehensible grace to turn back now. I have seen too many hopeless situations transformed in the unlikeliest of ways to doubt that He can thread redemption throughout the broken pieces and create something beautiful and life-changing.

I choose to set my face and my heart toward heaven and whisper thru the tears...

I trust You!

Psalm 143:8

Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning;
For I trust in You;
Teach me the way in which I should walk;
For to You I lift up my soul.

Happy Sunday!!!!!

We must not forget the "why" that is attached to the decorations, food and celebration!

His Ways

There are times in our lives when certain scriptures can take on new meaning for us! When their weightiness and relevance in our lives almost causes our breath to catch. March 20, 2012 was one of those days...

A phone ringing at 4am is never the bearer of good news and this morning was no different. I answered the phone with trepidation, imagining my world was about to tilt slightly off center and I was right. My dear and treasured friend, Janet Dukes, had died. Died? Janet? Surely my mind was still just fuzzy with the lingering effects of sleep and this was all just a bad dream.

Sadly, it was true. Sadly, many of us had just lost one of the most loyal and caring friends a person could ever hope to know. Our world had been rocked...but at the same time our world was beginning its spin out of control, Janet's world was becoming divinely righted, illuminated and filled with the sounds of angelic choirs welcoming her Home. She was hearing those treasured words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I KNOW she heard those words because I KNOW Janet ran this race well, especially at the end.

Janet's race had been marked with painful events, loss of those she loved, physical ailments that caused her ongoing pain, and financial burdens tough to bear. When most people start slowing down because the speed bumps in life prove to be too much for them, Janet was just finding her groove. Janet was learning to radiate a joy few possess. Janet was learning to rejoice thru her suffering and Janet was learning what it meant to be a true disciple of Christ.

Janet has a son named Cody. To say that Cody was the apple of Janet's eye would be like saying on a clear day that the sky is kinda blue...big understatement!! God and Cody were the reason Janet did most of what she did. Cody was never far from her thoughts or her side and that boy took care of his Mama. All of us on the fall ladies' retreat saw that firsthand!

Money was so very tight for Janet and we had some girls pitch in to make sure she got to join us on our trip to FL. We slipped her some money here and there for meals and she had the time of her life. She got to put her feet in the ocean, listen to the sound of the waves and go on a boat ride to watch the dolphins. One of the first days she was there she opened her Bible and found a note. It was from Cody and it was wrapped around $15. $15 of his own money that had he had slipped in there so she could have a little extra fun on him. That's love!!

Janet was getting ready to have a makeover on stage when Beloved comes to the church in April. She was so excited about her makeover because she said she was going to finally be beautiful in her new outfit, with her fancy hairdo and her face carefully made up. We assured Janet that all those things, although fun, could do little to improve upon the natural radiance she possessed! Janet was always beautiful!!!

At Christmas when people come out of the woodwork needing help to provide presents for their kids, Janet could have been the first in line. She was too busy to line up to receive her own gifts, though...she was collecting presents for the kids at her daycare. I took some bags of things over to her house and her living room was full of items already collected. She cleaned them up, wrapped them carefully and lovingly delivered them to her daycare kids to ensure that they, too, would not be overlooked at Christmas. Janet wasn't focused on her own lack for her heart was overflowing with love and care for others.

That's how Janet was...always looking for opportunities to be a blessing to others. Whether it was meeting with her SMILES girls, serving Friday nights at Rivers of Mercy so she could love on kids who lived on the street, babysitting her friend's kids...the list was endless. Even as recently as this last Sunday, Janet was figuring out a way to be a blessing to someone else. She pointed out a girl in the church and said she was going to pay for her to go on the ladies' retreat in November. She was always so encouraged by the ways others had blessed her and she said that she had just gotten her income tax return and was going bless her friend. That's just how Janet rolled.

While many struggle with working to attain more, Janet was content with what she had. The first time I went to Janet's home she proudly showed me around. Many would have seen a simple trailer on lot A6, but Janet's ability to look at things thru a lens of thankfulness strangely transformed that place into something much grander. She happily introduced me to her new washer and dryer that now made it possible for her to wash their clothes at home and she showed me her cozy room in the back. It was peaceful there.

Janet took care of people...just ask her mom and dad! Walt and Betty were her other 2 sidekicks and constant companions. They lived next door to each other the last year of Janet's life and as Walt said the morning she died, they were best friends! She loved her mom and dad and she was willing to do whatever it took to ensure they were taken care of. Janet was loyal to those she loved.

As I sat in the dark after we got the call of her death, trying to let the truth of those words truly sink in, I admit I had questions. Why? When there are so many rude, hateful, selfish people that could have taken their last breath that day instead of Janet...why her? When now a 14yo son has to say goodbye to the one who loved him more than life itself...why? When a mom and dad must now let go of yet another child...why? Help me make sense of it all, Lord!

And there it was, the faintest whisper, but audible none-the-less...

Isaiah 55:8

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."

Does it erase the pain? No! Does it make the longing to see her just one more time any less consuming? No! It reminds us, though, that our vantage point is so unreliable for making sense out of sovereign decisions. The One who first breathed life into Janet's nostrils 51 short years ago decided to call for that breath back. The One who gave His only Son so that Janet could know forgiveness and redemption welcomed her Home with open arms.

We're going to miss you, Janet. You have left a gaping hole in our midst and it will take a while for the hole to begin to close and for life to find a new rhythm without you. I will miss your almost daily texts telling me you love me and are praying for me. I will miss your posts on our BLOOM page encouraging us girls to have a good day. I will miss your radiant smile and your readiness to pitch in whenever there is a need. I will miss watching you press hard into Jesus and make tough decisions because you want to honour Him. You laid it all on the line and left this world with no need for regrets. You loved well, you loved fiercely and you loved in a very visible and tangible way.

Good job, girl!! You are one of my heroes and my life is so much richer as a result of knowing you!!

Happy Sunday!!

Happy Sunday!!!!

Determined

I am doing Beth Moore's study on James and the last paragraph in today's study was phenomenal. It said, in reference to living a purposeful existence...

You don't live this kind of life accidentally. You make up your mind who you want to be and daily die to the rest. You surrender yourself to living in the tension where you'll always be stretched and often be broken. Religion pure and undefiled is grit without the grime. You accept that far easier ways to live exist, but you were born for nothing less!!

Oh how I love this! Oh how it resonates deep within my heart, so much so that it is like a gong going off in my depths!!

Tim has been out of town for a week. He has been in spring training with the Kansas City Royals, shamelessly and relentlessly sharing the truth of the Word. He is given free reign to do so by the powers that be with the Royals and lives are being changed. 2 of the top prospects for the Royals and one of their girlfriends have surrendered their lives to the Lord in the last 2 days. Countless others are being challenged to up the ante and live with abandon. What is happening there will echo throughout eternity. It is amazing, it is life-changing, but it is not without its challenges.

Ministry like this is always met with fierce battles in the heavenly realm. If we think that the enemy is going to relinquish his hold on those who have been his followers without a fight then we are crazy. Believe me, the battle has been raging here at home and it has been quite chaotic at times. Broken bones, bones that were thought to be broken, death of a friend's parent, moments where argumentative spirits rise to the top, bug infestation...crazy stuff! In the midst of it all, though, there is peace because it is so ridiculously over the top that it has satan's fingerprints all over it and sometimes just recognizing it for what it is makes all the difference.

I have reminded myself on numerous occasions this week that "greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world". What a comfort it is to be able to allow the truth of His word to clothe you in peace while the battle rages around you. Do I wish that my week had been a little less fraught with doctor co-pays and such? Absolutely!! Words like those quoted above remind me, though, that I wouldn't want to live any other way. The stretching, the breaking...it's part of the molding and being conformed to His image. It is not without its difficulties, but the eternal rewards make it impossible to walk away from.

Lord, thank You for the strength and the eternal perspective You have given this week. Thank You for the lives who have been changed for all eternity, including my own. Thank You for the timely reminder that I was born for nothing less and obedience in what You have laid out is better than any perceived sacrifice I could conjure up on my own. May we continue to live our lives with conviction and purpose, knowing that what we see here is nothing compared to what will echo for all eternity.

Happiness Is...

Happiness is...

spring flowers!

Little bit sophisticated and a little bit wild! What's not to love?

No Tassel Turned

I think sometimes we can make the assumption that those who teach God's principles must be fairly accomplished in the spiritual realm. No one is ever perfect, but surely in order to get to the point where you are qualified to teach you more-or-less have your stuff together. Well, I hate to burst your bubble...we don't!!

I am teaching a class on forgiveness tomorrow. I have taught this session twice before and I have heard this topic taught countless times. As I sat down tonight to go over my notes and get ready I KNEW I needed to deal with some things before I could. So, in an attempt to do my best to take of my own issues of unforgiveness before I try and point others in the way they should go, I wrote down the names of those I felt I had at least a thread of unforgiveness woven thru whatever thoughts I may think toward them. Guess what?

I had to write down 5 names!!!!

Oh yeah, I really have it together alright!! One of the names I even shed some tears over because, while I want to feel forgiving toward them, I decided the act of acknowledging my desire to forgive them out of obedience to the Father might eventually lead to feeling it...because I sure don't feel it now!!

So there you have it! No tassel has been turned here yet! I am proof that you can teach on a topic and still struggle with it yourself! The Lord knows my heart, though, and He knows I truly desire to have a clean slate because it is not so much about my relationship with others as it is all about my relationship with Him!!!

Assuredly there is but one way in which to achieve what is not merely difficult but utterly against human nature: to love those who hate us, to repay their evil deeds with benefits, to return blessings for reproaches. It is that we remember not to consider men's evil intention but to look upon the image of God in them, which cancels and effaces their transgressions, and with its beauty and dignity allures us to love and embrace them.

John Calvin (1509 - 1564)

"It is critical to remember that we are most like Jesus not through our attempts to be perfect, but through our choices to forgive as we have been freely forgiven!" Jackie Kendall in her book Free Yourself to Love.

Processing

I think this may be the longest hiatus I have ever taken from this blog. I'm not sure why it has been so long since I have written because writing has always been what helped me sort out all those jumbled thoughts and kept me sane. I was thinking about it today because I decided my blog needed to be refreshed just like my house does this time of year. Why was I treating my blog like my closet? You know, that one area of my house that the messier it got and the more I ignored it the harder it was to make myself go in there and face it! Well, I think I may have actually started putting some of the pieces together.

Many times I post about things that bring me joy or cool things the Lord has been showing me. Sometimes, though, I post about struggles or things that hurt my feelings. I think I am hesitant to post some of that now because of being a pastor's wife. My desire to be real and reflect the valleys right alongside the mountain tops has not diminished. I have never wanted to portray a June Cleaver type of life. Trust me, June Cleaver I ain't! ;O) While I want those we minister to to know I have real feelings and real struggles, I am afraid that sharing certain things will cause suspicion and set the rumour mill in motion.

You see, I hate gossip. I hate assumptions. I hate when people neglect their own lives because they are so busy poking their noses into everybody else's! I so desire to stay away from feeding that at all that it has made me mute at times. It made me unable to share my heart for fear of causing dissension in the ranks...for fear of causing some to look at everyone else with suspicion, wondering who the culprit might be in my story of betrayal. I guess today I came to the conclusion that to choose to remain silent and not share the bad with the good is to stifle the passion the Lord has given me to write. You see, it caused me to shut down completely. I couldn't even share the good because at times it was so interwoven with the hurt.

I spent a portion of this evening talking to a friend I haven't seen for a while. Much has happened in my friend's life. She has experienced incredible heartache, major health issues, loss of loved ones and yet her love and passion for the Lord burns brighter than I have ever seen. She shared some of her hurt with me for it was essential to the story. She did it with care, though, so as to not throw anyone under the bus. It was a part of the stripping down process the Lord has done in her. He has allowed her to be stripped of all she leaned on and now, when left with only Him, she has found that He is enough. He is more than enough! The sharing of her betrayal was not anything either of us focused on because the Hero of her story was too evident in her words, her eyes and her peace that truly does surpass all understanding.

Phil. 1:29 (The Message) ~ There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.

So I think I am back. I know I need to begin to write again. I know I need to sort out all these thoughts that compete for attention and write them down so I can move on to something else. I miss being able to share with others the beauty He brings from ashes and the joy out of pain. Life is hard. People hurt us. We bleed...but then we heal. Scars are mere evidence that healing has taken place and we all have them. Experience is sometimes a brutal teacher...but we learn.

My prayer is that those times I do feel the need to share about pain or a hurt I am wrestling with that you'll hear my heart and pray for for me without trying to fill in a list of key players to the story. The only name that matters in it all is His Name...and that is enough!

The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. --C.S. Lewis

Lord, may I use the gift of words that You have given me in a way that honours You. May I use it to encourage and edify myself and others as we reflect on Your tender care of us. May I not allow the potential suspicion of others to cause me to become silent, for it is in the weaving together of the joy with the pain that we see Your intimate involvement in every detail of our lives.

Friend or Foe?

One of the hardest things about devoting yourself to loving on and encouraging people is that friends and foes initially look the same and are often hard to distinguish between until you bear their wounds.

Proverbs 4:23

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts.Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions.Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you.Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust.

Another Home Quote!

A friend of mine from out-of-state remembered another home quote by Longfellow I had in my kitchen. It has been my favourite home quote for a while. I told her I would post it, too! :O)

Stay, stay at home, my heart, and rest;

Home-keeping hearts are happiest,

For those that wander they know not where

Are full of trouble and full of care;

To stay at home is best.

Great Quote!

I read this quote and knew I needed to turn it into a picture!!

My Corner!

When we moved the living room around in order to accommodate the Christmas tree, the general family consensus was that the TV needed to stay in its new home once the festivities were over. That was good news for me because it freed up a corner for me to create a space I can call my own.

I sit in the family room with the 6 other people I love who live with me, but the never-ending, ad-nauseum list of sporting events can make my eyes begin to glaze over and roll back in my head. A corner to call my own, though, would mean I could still enjoy being with my family, but be able to do my own thing at the same time.

We went out after Christmas and found this chair and ottoman for a steal ($375 combined) and I found the pillow at a second-hand store. "You are my sunshine" is what I sang (and still do) to my babies and I knew I had to have it as soon as I saw it! I also found an old crib railing painted the same color as my wall and Tim mounted it so I could hang one of my great-grandmother's quilts from it! The side table was my Granny's and so everything has special meaning for me!

I LOVE how it all turned out and am so enjoying my space. The one thing I have started keeping on the side table is ear plugs because, alas, the only downfall to my little corner is that it is adjacent to the TV. Oh well, you can't have everything! ;O)

Clipboards

I have been wanting a decorated clipboard to put my Menu/Grocery List on each week. I looked at Etsy, but with shipping the cheapest ones I could find were about $12 and they went up from there. I decided to get my own clipboards and try making them because it would be much cheaper. I made them today and I am so pleased with how they turned out!

I am going to go to Joann's and get some more scrapbooking paper and some decals to add. I also ordered a case of 24 low profile clipboards for about $1 each. All together, these cost me about $1.75!! Yeah me!!

Hmmmm...maybe I could have a side business! Maybe...?