The Sounds of Dying...

1,2,3,...9,10,11...

Click, click, click, click...

1,2,3,...18,19,20...

Click, click, click, click...

The slow and rhythmic clicking of the knitting needles serves only to accentuate the ragged and intermittent breathing that signals life on this earth is making its curtain call. Row upon row of stitches marks time as surely as the counting of each shallow breath.

The gift of knitting lessons continues to bless. Hands are kept busy as the mind swirls about, ever conscious of the need to wait for the next breath, wondering when He'll finally beckon her Home.

Knitting, thinking, praying, counting...knitting, thinking, praying, counting...the rhythms of life ~ and death ~ that have become so familiar these days...too familiar.

What a comfort that scarf will be, though! The constant reminder of a prayerful vigil at the side of one loved so deeply...the one from whom this "crafting gene" descended.

Her body so frail, her ability to talk now gone, but her will to live not yet extinguished! She always was a feisty one and each hard-fought breath proves it!

We love you, Granny! Pop is waiting...

A Misspoken Word That Got Me Thinking...

The last couple of weeks have been very rough and I am strung pretty tight! My brain is also on the fritz and I am not sure if Tim should have left town and left me in charge of the children. *perplexedsmile*

I buried my 43 yo friend on Tuesday and today I took my kids to tell my 90 yo Granny good-bye for the last time! On the way to the hospital we were listening to Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace and I commented on it to Rachel and mentioned how it had been such an awesome song to hear at Sandy's...wedding! I realized my mistake and corrected it to funeral, but then it hit me that maybe I had been right after all.

Think about it...wouldn't it make funerals much more joyful if we thought of them as heavenly weddings? They are you know! When we finally stand face-to-face with Jesus, it is the bride meeting her Bridegroom for the first time ~ definitely something worth celebrating! While it is a time for us to say good-bye, it is merely the beginning of an eternity of shared life between the one gone Home and the Lover of of our souls!

As I have been overwhelmed with the sadness of saying good-bye to these ones I love, this other song by Chris Tomlin has ministered to me greatly! I hope it does you, too!

Perspective!

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
'That laundry is not very clean', she said. She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.'

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: 'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?'

The husband said, 'I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.'

And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

Home-Going

For those who are in Christ...

2 Cor. 5:8 (NASB-U)
we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.

At 1:20pm today, Sandy heard those tender words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant", as she met her Saviour face-to-face!

1 Thes. 4:13 (NASB-U)
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope.

So we mourn, not as those without hope, but as those who now must fill the void this special lady filled in our lives!

Please pray for Steve, Adam, Chris, Carrie, her mom and sister. Not all of them can understand the hope we have, but I pray that Sandy's death will bring about His purposes and He will allow beauty to arise from ashes!

God's Mail

2 Cor. 3:2-3 (MsgB)
You yourselves are all the endorsement we need. Your very lives are a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you. [3] Christ himself wrote it—not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives—and we publish it.

"Our friend Crawford Loritts did a radio broadcast on the Moody network one day and as I listened to a tape of that broadcast, the Lord began to prick my heart with the truth of that message. How many times have I tried to convince others to adopt my convictions? How often have I made others reside in an issue until they agree with my point of view?

God sees us all as individuals each with our own address, a spiritual post office box if you will, and while He does send out bulk mailings, "Go ye therefore into all the world and make disciple", for instance, He also sends out notes meant only for me, written to challenge, encourage and correct.

You handed me a letter
Just the other day
And eagerly I opened it
To see what it would say.

I started with the intro,
"My dear child," it said
And it seemed to be appropriate
So on and on I read.

The more I read the stranger
It did appear to be
For all the names and places
Were unfamiliar to me.

Then I got down to the bottom
And read it with a nod,
Yes there is was signed in His blood ~
"Forever yours, love God."

Well, then I really was confused
Or maybe just quite dense,
Why would my "Daddy" write to me
Of things that made no sense?

Then while I sat there thinking
The envelope fell down
And as I stooped to pick it up
I read it with a frown.

For suddenly the problem
Was very clear to see ~
The letter had been sent to you
And wasn't meant for me!

Because, although we're all adopted
As His children, nonetheless,
We're all at different places
Each with our own address.

And just because He sends you mail
That really speaks to you,
Unless He puts it in my box
Don't make it my mail, too!"

New Beginnings

January...a month of deep breaths, renewed hope, frenzied organizing and vows for this year to be different. There is something about the thought of the beginnings of a new year spread before us, full of possibilities, that energizes and spurs us on.

Spiritually speaking, each day the Lord gives us is a new beginning...a chance to be more focused, to listen closer, to forgive for real this time, to be still, to search our hearts, to confess our sins, to love deeper and to allow our spiritual radar to be a little more finely tuned.

Hebrews 3:13 (MsgB)
For as long as it's still God's Today, keep each other on your toes so sin doesn't slow down your reflexes.

Today is a gift from the One who created it! May we seek Him first to see how He would have us use it, for once gone it can never be reclaimed!

The Process of Dying

2 Cor. 4:6 (MsgB)
It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.


My friend, Sandy, is engaged in her final battle with the vicious opponent...CANCER! We are marking days and know it won't be long until she is welcomed into the arms of the One to Whom she surrendered her life! She is soon to experience a welcoming like she has never come close to experiencing before and we are inching closer to the gaping hole that her Home-going will leave for us!

What mixed emotions are involved in watching someone die. On one hand, the suffering you see hurts at such a level that you wish the end would quickly come! The reality of what life will look like without this one soon washes over you, though, and you find yourself wishing you could hang on forever!

I was struck yesterday as I stood at Sandy's side, stroking her hand and kissing her face, how gestures like that would have probably seemed strange if she was healthy and full of life. As I rubbed her arms, chest and nose with lotion in an attempt to help fend off the itchy, dry skin that comes with winter weather and lack of hydration, I realized that impending death makes the social boundaries we unconsciously set into place disappear and we are suddenly allowed to approach those we love in new and intimate ways!

We find ourselves sharing words of love and affirmation that we might not otherwise have felt comfortable expressing and we allow tears to flow that would normally be kept in check. However painful the process is, I am thankful for the opportunity Sandy has given us to "feel" at such a deep and intimate level.

My prayers as I reflect on what I am experiencing through Sandy's dying process are complicated and filled with many unintelligible groanings, but the one thought that keeps rising above the jumbled words and emotions is the desire to reach out in life as easily to those I love as it is possible to in death! I want to allow the reality of an expiration date in each of us to help me keep short accounts and critical words at bay! I want to touch and feel and love...just because!

Sandy's life has brought me many laughs and shared times of fun, but her dying has impacted me in ways that I may not ever fully comprehend. I am so very thankful for the opportunity she and her family have given me to wade into the churning waters with them!

1 Cor. 15:54-55 (MsgB)
Then the saying will come true:

Death swallowed by triumphant Life!
[55] Who got the last word, oh, Death?
Oh, Death, who's afraid of you now?

The reality of Christ's triumphant life has birthed triumph in the life of Sandy as well and death is merely the doorway through which she will catapult into the welcoming arms of the One Who defeated death and made eternal life our final destination! Praise be to Him!

We love you, Sandy, and while contemplating life without you makes the tears freely flow, we rejoice with joyful and expectant hope that your suffering is soon to come to an end and the greatest chapter of your life is about to be opened!

Go in peace, my friend!

Opinions!

Toby Mac with Dr. Billy Graham




Have you ever heard someone dissing a kind of music because they say Jesus wouldn't approve? Too much bass? Too rock-y sounding? Beat is too fast? You know the arguments! Opinions like this can be quite divisive within the body of Christ and many a church has experienced a split as a result of musical preference!

We were watching a bio on DC Talk and Toby Mac yesterday. Not my favourite music, but I do like quite a few of their songs. Many in the Christian community have had a problem with them, though, because of their style of music.

A few years ago Billy Graham invited DC Talk to open for one of his crusades. DC Talk was surprised to be given this opportunity and evangelicals were more than a little shocked, too! To say they were up in arms is an understatement. Billy Graham's flavour of music was more George Beverly Shea, Sandy Patty and Steve Green and his supporters liked it that way!

Billy Graham, being the man that he is, realized that DC Talk was reaching a culture he couldn't, though! He made this statement and it was so profound it stopped me in my tracks...

"When I go to a foreign country, I don't speak the language and I need an interpreter. DC Talk is my interpreter to the youth culture of today!"

Wow! Doesn't that just kind of give you shivers? Mr. Graham was able to see past his own preferences and understand that youth needed to feel like their opinions were being heard, too! DC Talk performed at the crusade and record numbers of youth came forward at the conclusion of Mr. Graham's message!

Praise the Lord for a man who was able to recognize his need for someone to translate the love of Christ in a language those kids could understand! May we all be as open to the voice of the Spirit should He show us an option a little out of the box for us! He likes to do that, you know...shake us up a little and open our minds to the fact that our way might not be the only way!

Maybe it's time to ask the Lord if there are any foreign languages He would like us to brush up on! I'm game...are you?

Jackson Smith Peck...

September 25, 2000 - December 23, 2004

Psalm 139:16 Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

Today is a sad day, but a day filled with hope. Today my dear friends will experience just about every emotion known to man. They will cry, they will laugh, they will reminisce and they may even experience a twinge of guilt wishing they could do things over with a different outcome.

4 years ago today sweet Jackson went to live with Jesus. Wow! It's hard to believe it has already been that long, but I imagine it has seemed a whole lifetime since Smith and Julie last held their boy.

As a friend it's hard to know what to do. My heart is so heavy for these ones I love so much and my tears have flown freely much of today. I pray for them and we let them know we haven't forgotten. Even this blog entry is to let them know how much I care.

I recently, during a Bible study, wrote a prayer to the Lord that went something like this...

Papa, I know that YOU knew when Jackson was born that his time here on earth would be just 4 short years. It's what your Word says. It wasn't an accident in the sense that it certainly didn't catch You by surprise the way it did the rest of us! Please minister to Smith and Julie as only You can!

After all this time I was reminded yet again that He really does know when He's going to call us each home. None of us are promised tomorrow so we better live the heck out of today! Look at those ones you love and imagine what you would say to them or do with them if you knew He was almost ready to call them up to Him! How radically different would we live our lives?

Lord, I thank you for the way You have ministered to Smith and Julie and their families. Thank you for what You are yet doing in Roz's heart. Papa, You alone know what's in the hearts of these who are grieving today, yet they grieve not without hope for they have the assurance that one day they WILL hold their sweet boy again. They will gaze into his eyes and be able to tell him how much they love him and have missed him. Please Papa encourage their hearts today! Allow them to be still before You. Allow them to feel in such a tangible way the deep and abiding love you have for them! And Lord, please help those of us whose hearts are full of love for them, but just don't really know what to do!

And Lastly, Papa, would you let Jackson know that his presence here on earth is missed in a way that words could never adequately express!

We love you, Jack!!

The Body...As It Should Be!

We, as most of you know, are in full-time ministry! We have ministered in this area for 15 years and have a solid nucleus of friends who partner with us! We had our annual Christmas party the other night and it humbled me to the core! How I wish you all could have been there.

The room was filled with a multitude of names who could make just about anyone's "who's who" list...top athletes in football and baseball, entertainers with TV shows, musicians with Grammys and AMAs under their belts, leading Christian apologists and even just some of us common folk. All with different occupations, but all with a common focus ~ Jesus!

We came together to celebrate the birthday of our Saviour and celebrate we did. Definitely not how many would expect people of this sort to celebrate, but what a sweet time it was!

We are so bombarded with high profile people who time and time again make foolish choices and live in such self-consumed bubbles that to imagine a Christ-centered party involving names like these would seem counter-intuitive! Christ-centered it was, though!

We sang Christmas songs of praise, listened to the writings of one famous for humour who had us in tears, heard a devotional about the birth, death and resurrection of the Saviour that was knee-buckling and closed with a lengthy time of prayer! And as I gazed around the room I was hit with this verse ~

Acts 4:32-35 The whole congregation of believers was united as one—one heart, one mind! They didn't even claim ownership of their own possessions. No one said, "That's mine; you can't have it." They shared everything. [33] The apostles gave powerful witness to the resurrection of the Master Jesus, and grace was on all of them. [34] And so it turned out that not a person among them was needy. Those who owned fields or houses sold them and brought the price of the sale [35] to the apostles and made an offering of it. The apostles then distributed it according to each person's need.

I found myself in tears as I beheld a work that could only be orchestrated by One greater than ourselves. Gatherings like this don't just happen, they are created...one heart at a time...by Someone Who cares not a whit about titles and fame!

So this Christmas season as you contemplate what it's all about, know that the One Who became nothing has invaded the hearts of many who have everything and caused them to lay it all down at the feet of Him Who owns it all anyway!

2 Cor. 9:15 Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!

Faith...or Lack of it?

My friend has cancer. She was diagnosed about 1 1/2 years ago and has undergone many rounds of chemo. She was recently removed from the chemo because it appeared it was not doing its job of killing off the cancer.

My friend and I are joining 2 other girls in the study Believing God by Beth Moore. She picked the study and I am not sure if she picked it for herself or for us! We certainly need to believe God in some areas right now, too.

I am finding, though, that I am struggling through processing the whole faith issue as I think about my friend. If faith that has not been tried cannot be trusted, then I guess this struggle is a good thing! Sure feels icky, though!

I wrote down these questions today as I contemplated the scriptures I had been reading and the words Beth had penned...

What am I afraid to believe God for and why? Am I afraid of His perhaps unwillingness to do what we ask or my lack of faith in believing He can? Does my faith, or lack of it, even help or hinder Him in any way?

I realize I am afraid to ask God for my friend's healing because I don't want to become too attached to the outcome should His answer require her heavenly healing rather than a healing that allows her to stay with us for longer! I believe He CAN heal my friend, but will He? His word says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God", so is it the act of believing He can or He will that shows true faith?

Wonder if I'll ever have answers to these questions this side of heaven? I rest in the fact that He sees my heart for what it is and He understands my desire to wrestle with Him for the answers and not against Him!!

My man!

Today is his 46th birthday! He is the love of my life...an incredible gift from Papa and I am so thankful I get to share life with him! It would be hard to find someone with more integrity, boldness and wisdom than he has and he is a testimony to what the Lord can do with a yielded heart.

Happy birthday, best friend! May you feel celebrated, appreciated and deeply loved today and always! I love you!!

Tradition

1 a: an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (as a religious practice or a social custom) b: a belief or story or a body of beliefs or stories relating to the past that are commonly accepted as historical though not verifiable
2: the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction
3: cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions
4: characteristic manner, method, or style

My husband was asked an interesting question this week and it has been on my heart. The question was this..."Does God love tradition?"

Makes you think, doesn't it? No other time of the year is as rich with traditions as this one. Christmas trees, nativities, carolling, hot chocolate, family gatherings, stockings filled with goodies, cookies made from recipes generations old and Charlie Brown with his unimpressive Christmas tree. What's not to love, right?

Okay, I realize we are pondering God's love/hate relationship with tradition, but in coming to any semblance of a conclusion we must consider this...Whatever God thinks about tradition, I am confident of this one thing ~ God loves us and we love tradition!

Now I realize some traditions truly can steal God's glory and His Word says He will share His glory with no one, Santa Claus included! We have to be careful that in celebrating our traditions we are not inhibiting the ability of those around us to embrace what it's really all about! But I don't think traditions are inherently bad.

I hope that traditions will remind my kids when they are older that they came from something special. As they decorate their own Christmas trees with ornaments from long ago, I hope they'll share the stories of their origin with their own little ones. When they bake the pumpkin bread and snowball cookies that we've mixed side-by-side each December, I hope they will be comforted by the familiar smells. As they giggle and laugh their way through Elf and Christmas Vacation, I hope they'll remember all those nights snuggled by the fire with pillows, blankets and Daddy's popcorn. I hope mornings filled with lighted candles and shimmering Christmas trees will remind them how Mama used to get up early so those were what they were greeted with as they awoke.

For you see, traditions are the stuff that we are made of. Those bowed heads around the table speak to that! The reading of the Christmas story and the birthday cake for Jesus...the basket of Christmas books and the home-made snowflakes hanging from the ceiling fan over the kitchen table...Santa Mouse and Angel Trees...shoeboxes sent to those without and plates of goodies shared with neighbor friends. Are they rituals mindlessly performed or the result of hearts filled with giddy expectation?

Don't you see it? Traditions can be the very things that prompt our thoughts to focus heavenward for He created families and our traditions are the threads that bind us all together! Our familial fingerprints, if you will, that makes us distinguishable from all the others.

Now some may ponder this question and arrive at a very different conclusion, but as for me and my house...we're going to deck the halls!

Simple Sounds...

* The roll of dice on a backgammon board as siblings play...

* The tapping of a keyboard as Baby Girl practices the new words she has learned to construct, sounded-out-letter by sounded-out-letter...

* The clomp, clomp, clomp of fireman boots worn by a boy with cowboy holster and gun slung around his middle...

* The excited chatter of a daughter full of stories from her trip to the outermost parts...

* The laughs of inside jokes that tell of a family with rich memories...

* An "I-love-you" as he leaves, testimony to Him Who has kept us united for 18 years...

* The ring of a phone with a hurting friend on the other end...just needing an encouraging word and a nudge to keep pressing on...

* The whisper of His still, small Voice as He calms our fears and reminds us He sees...

* The quiet at the end of the day that signals all are at rest...

...Simple sounds...a symphony of love...His love, so lavishly bestowed on us ~ His beloved!

The Gift!

At this time of year, the mere mention of the word "gift" can send most women into apoplectic shock. The list of names screaming for the perfect gift seems to grow in leaps and bounds and the stores all shout to us that they have just what we need! If we're not careful, our frenzied activity becomes akin to a gerbil on a wheel and we find ourselves spinning out of control! We truly have become a society addicted to getting and not too familiar with giving...at least not for the right reasons.

It's funny, though, if I was going to a party for my friend, Sheri, I wouldn't spend all my time running around trying to find Jori a present. That would make no sense. So why do we become obsessed, consumed and exceedingly stressed over making sure we have conquered our gift list when the party is really for Jesus? It is, you know!

The politically correct can work all they want to take the "Christ" out of Christmas, but Jesus is still the reason for the season!

Now don't get your panties in a wad and think I am implying that gift-giving is wrong. We do give gifts and our kids love opening their stockings that they find placed beneath our tree covered with lights and ornaments. We're not really Scrooges! We're just trying to make sure we have not lost focus of the true meaning of what we do.

If the celebration is for Jesus, then surely there must be something I can give Him. Remember the Christmas poem that goes like this ~

"What can I give Him as poor as I am,
If I were a shepherd, I'd give him a lamb.
If I were a wise man, I'd do my part,
What would I give Him? I'd give Him my heart."

We all have secret places that we have closed off to everyone...even Jesus! Some of us have areas of unforgiveness toward someone who has hurt us deeply. Some of us are consumed with fear and insecurities because we have focused on our own limitations rather than His ability to protect us and empower us. Some of us have heard the still small whisper of His call to us, but we have not responded to it because we're not sure what He may require of us. Some of us, quite frankly, may have never even known the joy of surrendering our hearts and our lives to Him because of pride and confidence in our own abilities!

Join me this Christmas in asking the Guest of Honor what He would like you to bring to the party! Ask Him which area of your heart He would most like to have access to. And if you have never surrendered your heart to Jesus, know it is the greatest gift you will ever give Him...or yourself!!!

If you have doubts as to whether He is even real and interested in a relationship with you, I encourage you to ask Him! Ask Him to show Himself real to you this Christmas season so that the fun of tradition can be coupled with the joy of the liberating Truth of a heart yielded to Him!!

James 1:17 ~ "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow."